


Through The Eyes of an Angel

by ArtsyGirl



Series: A Piece of Me [9]
Category: Enderal (Video Game)
Genre: A Journey, Angst, Apothecarious - Freeform, Arcane Fever, Arguing, Arp, Bloodlust, Border of the Hartland, Darkness, Death, Death of Gods Made Known, Dizziness, Emotions, Fear, First Impressions, First Sigil Test, Gen, Gloomyness, Hate, Hope, Initiation, Inner Demons, Inner Dialogue, Mind Games, Minor Violence, Myrad, Past, Prodigy, Puss-Beetle, Red Madnes, Regret, Rumor, Self Confidence Issues, Skeletons, Someting Inside, Staying In Control, Talking, Waiting, Witch-Child, blame, forest, spores, thoughts, trial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-09 02:02:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13471350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtsyGirl/pseuds/ArtsyGirl
Summary: Through the eyes of Calia.I've been waiting for this a great portion of my life. Finally I'll become a Keeper of the First Sigil.We are on our way to the location where the 'trial' will take place.  I'm so excited and anxious for it.The Signet Leader Jorek Bartarr got raven mail telling us to wait for someone called 'prodigy'. I hear that she is the one who cleared the Old Rashengrad excavation.





	1. Through The Eyes of an Angel

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying something different here. This time the situation will be seen and felt as Calia or through Calia… it is up to you to interpret it for yourself.

Jorek got a raven message from Tealor Arenthial to wait for someone, so that is what we’ve been doing, waiting for some prodigy. We’ve even gone back to the Myrad tower on the border of the Hartland.  
  
I’ve heard good things about her, the prodigy, well one good thing. She supposedly cleared an entire excavation site from mercenaries and saved ancient artifacts from certain destruction singlehandedly. I wonder what she will be like when she gets here.  
  
The sound of great wings flapping in the distance, this can only be a dragon or a Myrad. Preferably a Myrad because then there’d be a good chance that the prodigy is the one coming and this waiting will be over.  
  
I raise my head in the direction of the sound and thankfully it is a Myrad, silly me thinking that a dragon would come here, they are territorial creatures that stick to certain areas. It won’t be long until she is here. I’d better get back to my meditation, this test is going to be demanding and I need to be ready for anything.

…

A friendly voice greets me “Hello.”  
  
I stand up and turn around. There is a short woman with sun kissed skin curly dark fiery red hair in a messy bun. Her dark brown eyes sparkle and are joyful. She looks a lot like an Aterna but her skin color and height are wrong.  
  
Mustn’t be too deep in my thoughts, I respond “What? Oh, hello! You must be our…unexpected addition, aren’t you? The ‘prodigy’? ” Her expression changed to something weird between despair and just beginning to laugh.

She smiles wildly, her pearly white teeth flashing. “Oh, I see that you’ve heard something of me, but you, Mydame can call me Susan. It sounds a lot less awkward. Otherwise you may think that I’m some spoiled brat whose parents have paid everyone off for some special treatment.”  
  
I smile back to her. “It does, doesn’t it.” I place my right hand’s fist on my heart, as a formal greeting and bow a little. “I’m Calia Sakaresh, by my Path, novice and aspirant for the first Sigil.”  
  
She smiles again. I never thought that the person who gets sent here for the first Sigil test can be that, they are always so serious, but not her. She does a little curtsy “Nice to meet you Calia Sakaresh.” Her pronunciation is a little different from the people of Enderal, it has a bit of what was it… Nehrim drag to it.  
  
Wonder if she really did save the old excavation singlehandedly. “The rumor has it that you were at Old Rashengrad… that you saved the excavations and fought back the mercenaries all on your own.” I look at her and she is nodding along, sincerely. So it truly did happen the way I’ve heard it. That is admirable. “An astonishing feat, truly… you have my respect for that.”  
  
She shrugs “It wasn’t much of a decision… these days I just seem to get into trouble wherever I go.” There was humility and a joke in that, she is a curious one.  
  
“Well as long as you handle it as well as you did at Old Rashengrad, that’s not a bad thing is it?”  
  
“Absolutely, more adventuring for me, yeah?”  
  
Oh Lord she makes me laugh a little. I clear my throat, not proper to be laughing while taking the initiation of the first Sigil.  
  
“You know… I’m really curious as to what the mercenaries thought they were doing. Someone willing to attack the Holy Order is either extremely powerful or extremely naive…” This isn’t a good time to be debating Holy Order and it’s enemies, Calia. “Anyway, it has been an honor to meet you in person, Susan. Let’s talk later.”  
  
She nods. “Absolutely.”  
  
The newcomer is walking towards Dunwar, probably to make an acquaintance with him too. I feel bad for her, Dunwar didn’t take it well when we were told that another one will be taking the first Sigil, he has been grumpier than usual ever since.  
  
Now focus Calia, the journey to the ritual place is dangerous too and you don’t want something bad to show. Every minute of meditation counts.  
  
…  
  
Jorek orders: “Aright enough of the chatter. Come here.” He hands each one of us a tiny vial. He explains “These potions will be necessary for later, so be careful with them. Apart from that, it’s still a few miles to the ritual place. As you are gifted with magic, the spores in the forest up ahead will make you a little dizzy, but we won’t stay for long.” Everyone has heard about the mushrooms that were a curse upon this forest, but I never thought that I’ll go there and see it all firsthand. I truly hope that it won’t affect me nor the other thing, it would be disastrous. I have to be strong.  
  
“Any questions?”  
  
We all stay quiet. The prodigy, no Susan, she didn’t like to be called that, is the only one who dares to speak. “Alright then. Let’s go.” She still seems to be happy, I wonder if she knows anything about this test and the risks that come with it.  
  
Jorek nods and tells us to stay close.  
  
…  
  
We cross a bridge. I look at Susan she looks pale and confused. Is it the spores already? I stay a few steps back from Jorek and Dunwar. I touch her shoulder to get her attention “Are you alright?”  
  
She touches her forehead “It must be the fever acting up. But I’m fine. Thanks for asking.”  
  
This was strange. I don’t even feel dizzy yet.  
  
…  
  
As we make our way to the temple I keep an eye on Susan, she is different now. The pretty smile with the happy-go lucky joking attitude is gone now. I’m beginning to think that something other than spores are troubling her.  
  
….  
  
The trip to the sacred initiation location has been different from my expectations. There have been a lot more Arp and Puss-Beetle attacks and a case of red madness.  
  
I can’t get the later out of my head. The man was ‘mining’ his dead wife with a pickaxe because she was going to leave him. The sight was terrible, there wasn’t much left of the poor woman except a bloody mass of meat mixed with shards of bone. Thee was nothing human left of the poor woman. It stirred something inside me. Everything is a little fuzzy, this place is beginning to get to me, I have to keep a clear mind. Stay in control. Don’t let out anything that others aren’t supposed to see.  
  
….  
  
We finally made it to the Fist Foothold. There is joy in me. This is going to be over soon.  
  
Jorek seems to be relieved too. “Here it is… the First Foothold. This is where Malphas’s vassals erected their first camp… so behave yourselves accordingly.” He sternly looks at Susan “You too ‘prodigy’.” He really doesn’t like her. Sadly he won’t be the last nor first, many will speak ill of her just because she is a pathless one, but not me, not for that reason. One’s character is what matters not in which family they are born in or any other silly reasons.  
  
We gather near an altar. Our Signet Leader has a serious look on his face, even more so than usual and that is saying something. “Well then… before we start, there’s something I need to tell you. Something, erm… important. ” He inhales deeply and stares at the ground for a moment. “The rumors concerning the deaths of the Light-Born… they are true.”  
  
Did I just hear him correctly? The Light-Born are dead?! How could the Order keep something like this? My heartbeat quickens, I’m clearly getting emotional. Take deep breaths, don’t get upset, stay calm, stay in control. I deeply breathe in and out a few times.  
  
I look at Dunwar, he is angry and he cries out: “What?!”  
  
Jorek repeats himself, slower and calmer this time. “The gods are dead. They fell, two winters ago, beneath the sword of an unknown traveler.” By Malphas, then I did hear it correctly the first time. I glance over to Susan but she seems to be as indifferent as ever, did she already know about this? - Of course she did, she is not from here.  
  
“We … that is, the Order, have known about this for quite some time now, but haven’t told the common people yet. But since the two…” he sighs “…the three of you intend to take the trial, there’s no way to disguise the truth anymore.”  
  
This is all so confusing, so many questions and feelings. I only manage to let out a whisper “But … how can a god die?”  
  
Bartarr explains it to us “There was a prophesy as old as the Light-Born themselves, in which there was talk of a ‘Shadow god’ who would end the era of gods. And it came true…” The man’s eyes seem to be watery he seems to be truly apologetic “I’m sorry.”  
  
Dunmar cries out “You’re ‘sorry’?!” He grabs his head with his hands and rants “You’re telling us that the Gods have been killed and YOU ARE ‘SORRY’?!!! What next? That tomorrow the sun will stop shining?!” I just want to go over to him and tell him to calm down. It won’t do any good if he disrespects Jorek enough that he’d be declined for the first Sigil. I hardly believe he’ll listen to me.  
He is begging now “Tell us that… that this is a test, master. It is, isn’t it? A test of our faith.”  
  
Jorek shakes his head again “No… the Light-Born are dead.” He tries to reassure Dunwar “But hard as it may be to accept, we cannot afford to fall…” The other upset novice yells agitatedly, not caring for Bartarr’s words “We?! Who the heck is ‘we’?! ”  
  
Dunwar has his hands tightly clenched into fists. I can see little flames emitting from them, he truly is living it down hard, usually it is only the young mages who are emotional and don’t fully control their magic. I hope that Bartarr doesn’t notice it, it could cost him a lot if anyone decides that he does not control his emotions and magic well enough, all those years wasted.  
  
The flames slightly intensify in his fists “The Order of the Gods, Malphas’s Order, was created to protect the Light-Born. And if what you’re saying, this … blasphemy is true, then we’re meaningless. We’ve failed, don’t you see that?”  
  
He goes from angry to sad, the flames turn blue and are barely noticeable now. “Oh, by the Black Guardian, I … I just can’t believe it!”  
  
I feel as if I’m supposed to help him. The book of revelation… “‘And though I shaln’t be seen, thou shalt live by m virtue…’ Third Revelation, verse 137.” There is great wisdom in that I hope he can see it. I try to console him “I know it is hard, Dunwar, but if this is true, we have to show strength and keep on believing in what the Light-Born stood for… Which is the idea of peace and-” He cuts me off “Oh, just shut your mouth, Sakaresh! If anything, you lowborn scum are living proof that the Order is going downhill!” He is just shocked and hurt, Calia. Don’t let it get to you.  
  
He points his finger at me, now the flames in the other fist are back to the natural shade of orange. “Do you really think I don’t know about the village?” Oh please don’t, this is beneath you Dunwar. “You’re a damn which, and if this were the Old Times, you would have been crucified a long time ago!” Is this truly how desperate he is, trying to make himself feel better by speaking ill of me, taking one of the lowest blows possible. Please just stop. I cry out “You don’t mean that, Dunwar.”  
  
Finally Signet Leader intervenes “Drop it, for heaven’s sake. We’re all on the same side here.” Thank you.  
  
Dunwar isn’t still finished “No we are not! This wench doesn’t have any right to wear the White Robes, and if you would spend more time with the Holy Scripture instead of your brandy bottle, you would see it as well.” I can see the pressure of his fury build inside Jorek, this would be the time to stop, Dunwar, but of course he doesn’t “But no, you just…”  
  
Batarr explodes “Shut up! I swear to you, one more word and you will wish that I had just suspended you!”  
  
He still tries to justify himself, like a little child “But-”  
  
Our Signet Leader has had enough. He is angry but also exhausted. He calmly tells him “No ‘buts’. Do you understand?”  
  
The young man opens his mouth to make a counter argument, Jorek stares him in the eyes more intensely and all he ends up saying is a simple: “Yes.”  
  
The old Keeper exhales with relief “I hope so… for your sake. Just be glad that this is a time we need skilled mages more than ever.” He sighs “Just… be glad.”  
  
Jorek’s right hand reaches to his bottle, he clutches it and releases it, all of this must be too much for him too. “Now enough of this, our demeanor defiles this sacred place. There will be enough time for depression and personal crisis after the trial.”  
  
Signet Leader Bartarr raises his hands as in prayer. “Let’s recite the Holy Words.” I and the others follow suite, even the newcomer, Susan does that.  
  
Signet Leader recites the words “Thou art my light, my glimmer at the horizon. Thy name is my sacrament and thy path I will honor. In life, as in death. May your light guide me.”  
  
The newcomer stayed quiet even at the end of the prayer. Not the religious sort?  
  
Jorek “Good. As you know, this trial will test the fortitude of your spirit. Because this is what… erm… distinguishes a Keeper from a soldier; what distinguishes a wise man from a fool. Keep that in mind”  
  
He looks at Susan and tells her “You first prodigy, drink the potion I gave you. Let’s hope that the Grandmaster was right about you.”  
  
She uncorks the potion bottle and downs the dark fluid. She makes a face of disgust, I’m not surprised that it has a foul taste. She seems to be dizzy. Susan staggers and falls to the ground.  
  
Signet Leader Bartarr tells me “You are next Sakaresh.”  
  
I pull off the crock of the vial and slightly swirled the concoction in it. The fluid even smells bad. There is no going back. I drink it and lay on the ground. I do not want to have any new bruises or scratches from a fall when this is over, if I make it.


	2. Through the Eyes of an Angel: Livé

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After drinking the potion Bartarr gave her she wakes up in a strange place. This must be where the trial of the First Sigil takes place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the prophet or the prophetess went through some strange things in the test for this sigil but what did others experience? This is my rendering of what happened to Calia.

  
I awaken. There is hard stony ground under me. It is moist, most unpleasant. The air in this room is stale and smells of mold. I get up.  
  
There is a woman in this place, she walks towards me. “Oh no…no, no, no! I knew I wouldn’t be the last one. Did they also tell you the tales about the Keeper’s Spirit?” What ‘Keeper’s Spirit’?  
  
She shakes her head. Her eyes are open wide, very owl-like. “They have lured you into a trap, you know? And you fell for it, because you are arrogant, just as I am…as I was.” This woman must be delirious, the Order wouldn’t do something like this, it is all a part of the test.  
  
I look around, it is dark. Only source of light in the room comes from the narrow and small window that is in the wall opposite to the prison door. It seems to be day time. If it is this dark during the day then what are the nights like?  
  
I can feel chafing against my skin. I am wearing some dirty rags, what happened to my Novice robes? I try to grab my sword, it isn’t there either.  
  
The woman standing in front of me feels a little off. Cold emits from her and her eyes, they are black.  
  
“Who are you?”  
  
She smiles “You may call me Livé, Calia.” How can she know my name? I’ve never met her… unless…  
  
My voice is quiet and suspicious “You are not real, are you?”  
  
She throws her head back and snorts “Of course not… at least not according to your definition of the word. But then again, what is reality anyway?”  
  
She steps closer to me and stares into my eyes. Her gaze is so intense that I’m certain she can see the stiches of my soul. This woman gives me the chills. “If I told you that the hunters who came back from their hunting trip and saw the destroyed village and you as the only survivor… they slayed you right there and then and everything that has happened so far, your father, training, this thing inside you and this so called ‘test’ are only a dream, would you be able to recognize the truth? The answer is ‘no’ … because you don’t want to be dead. Therefore, your mind will do anything to make you believe this entire dream you’ve had is reality.”  
  
How, just how… This is surreal. “How am I able to dream if I’m actually dead? This does not make any sense.”  
  
“Doesn’t it? Tell me, what is time to the dead and dreaming anyway? The last second before the sword reaches your heart, the very last instant before it tears the organ apart; in your mind, it could be an eternity. A self-created sanctuary, built from nothing but your wishes.” She looks at the narrow window, the light does not reflect from her eyes. “But what is the point in talking anyway. You don’t want to believe me, and I tired to make you. Now leave me alone before we make the suppressor even angrier. He doesn’t like words, he likes silence.”  
  
What Suppressor? Things are even more obscure now. “Who are you talking about?”  
  
She is staring at me again. I didn’t see her head turn, why didn’t I see it turn?  
  
“What, they haven’t told you about him? Oh, that’s so typical. The Suppressor…He’s the reason we will be imprisoned her forever, and why we can’t access our feelings and wishes. And he does it because he wants us to lose hope, to stop believing.”  
  
She looks out the window again. “And, you know… sometimes I wonder if that’s exactly what one, what I have to do to finally be free… just give up. Detach myself from the dreams of the past…” She exhales deeply, the room gets a whole lot colder “…Who knows if they were anything else than phantoms to begin with.” She makes her hands into fists. “But, no… Not yet. It is too early to surrender. And isn’t that what makes us human, anyway? To hope, and to just keep on waiting for that one miracle that will end the pain once and for all. I’ll wait…”  
  
I blink and there she is, a few centimeters away from me, staring and holding my shoulders too tightly. Pain travels through my body from the too tight grip. “And you will wait with me forever.” The pain is too much, I gasp. And she is gone. She is sitting on the stairs hugging her knees.  
  
What is going on in this place? They are trying to get to me. Be strong, Calia.  
  
My bangs are in my eyes, I rise a hand to swipe it away and see an iron dagger in my hand. How in the name of Malphas did it get there? I don’t care, I’ll take anything right now, there will be time to wonder about this, later.  
  
There is a slight slicker of light behind the prison gate, I go there and give it a little push, it opens.  
  
I feel a hand on my shoulder, I turn around and there is Livé again. “How did you do that?” I really dislike her movement, just appearing in places.  
  
“Livé I just gave it a push, it was open.”  
  
She is walking back and forth under the window. “That’s impossible! All these years it’s kept me from escaping and you just…” now she is standing outside of the cell. “Come on, we have to look and see what’s outside. We won’t get far, but still… we have to see.” She gestures towards the hallway “Come, lead the way.”  
  
There is a dark hallway. Moss hangs down from the walls, burnt bodies are on the floor, they seem to have died in agony. A bigger part of me feels sad and disgusted but there is this tiny portion of me that smiles at the sight of the burnt corpses and laughs at the idea of them dying in agony. Ignore this bad part of yourself, Calia.  
  
A few chairs are floating in the air. I touch one of them and it begins to move in a circular motion turning in the air, strange.  
  
Finally there is a new doorway, only other doorway I’ve seen in his place not counting the one I came out from. I step through it and see a few candles burning on the floor. The burning pieces of wax give an eerie atmosphere to this room. I have to keep going.  
  
A narrow path seems to lead to somewhere. It is not like I have a lot of options on where to go. Faint glow and chiming sounds come from there, I’m curious to see what it is.  
  
I turn around a corner and see a spectral woman in revealing rags floating around this place, she is the one who glows and chimes. Is she to a lost soul in this place? I have to talk to her.  
  
I take a few steps towards her. “Are you lost here to?” She starts to float away. I follow her to a corner. She is sitting down, facing the wall. “You don’t have to be afraid of me. I can help.” I crouch down next to her. She seems to be weeping, I try to calm her “Hey, I’m not going to hurt you.”  
  
The weeping stops, I got through to her, now I need to get her to talk. “Why are you…” She turns to face me and screams. I ‘m spooked and I fall on my back. Oh lord what did I do?  
  
She gets up. Her hands are reaching out for my throat. Try to reason with her Calia. “You don’t have to…” Her hands are around my throat and just like that something inside me clicks. I stab the chiming one with the dagger in my hand over and over and over again. She turns to fog.  
  
I throw myself back on the floor. What just happened, I can’t be like that. It was self-defense, the first hit was self-defense everything else was butchering. You can’t be like that Calia. I get up and see the chiming woman’s fog besides me, in it lay a woman from the village, I killed her! The dagger in my hand is dripping with blood, her blood. No this can’t be happening, this isn’t real. They are trying to get into my head.  
  
“These are the scourges of the Suppressor! They want to punish us!” It is Livé. How did she get here? Was she here all this time, if so then why didn’t she help? I lash out “Why didn’t you help me?!”  
  
“I couldn’t. I’m not the violent one.”  
  
I can feel pressure building behind my eyes, don’t you dare to cry, stay strong. If Livé was here all this time than it is partially her fault too. “You could have saved her.”  
  
She looks oblivious. “Saved who?”  
  
The body is gone. It was there a second ago. I run my hands over the floor, the exact spot where the woman was, the dagger falls and it isn’t covered in blood either. I want to get out of here.  
  
The dagger, I need to pick it up and keep moving.  
  
There are several encounters with these ethereal chiming women but they don’t play mind tricks on me, they just attack. So far I’ve managed to not get hurt.  
  
I’m in a cellar. It smells of mold and stagnant water. The water in here is knee high and there are bodies strung up. I look up but there is no ceiling, only blackness.  
  
I take a closer look at the bodies, they all look the same. Women with short black hair and a mark on their faces, like me. By Malphas they are me! Each and every one of them has something branded on their right cheek. Fear, Despair, Hopelessness, Blame, Panic, those are their names.  
  
Keep going forward. There must be a way out, a solution.  
  
We are in a narrow passage way it all seems familiar.  
  
Livé looks around. “Everything here looks so similar, it’s a damn maze. We should never have left. This shall be our doom and undoing.” She should stop talking, or existing, it is not helping.  
  
A gust of fresh air rolls on us, after that the smell of rotting flesh. We are in a new room with cells that are empty. A way forward is through there.  
  
Livé jumps ahead, she must stop doing that, she has legs so she should walk. “Do you see it? All the cells, they are empty. And there’s blood…” she points to a puddle of blood that I’m standing in, how could I not have noticed it. “…Oh no. There were people in there, just like us. They didn’t know their place either, and now they are dead!” That sounded a lot like a threat. What is she?  
  
As we walk she won’t shut up. “They’ve simply … dissolved, because they dared to disobey the Suppressor! Oh by the Gods, this is what will happen to us too, I knew it was a mistake to leave in the first place, I just knew it!” Anger is building inside me, more and more I want to make her stay quiet, resist it.  
  
A lot of light comes from a bigger room straight ahead, I must go there. Many skeletons have been hung on the wall, a human skull and a wolf skeleton, a troll skull and a human skeleton, a deer skull and a human skeleton… It is unnatural. This should not be, but the fitting of these oddities is seamless, were they really like that, were they abominations of nature?  
  
A cage in the middle of the room. Some spaces are big enough to slip through and grab the key from the pedestal in the middle of it.  
  
A skeletal hand is holding on to it, I shake it off and open another door. A new room, I step inside and… I’m back to where I began. I turn around and all is different. Only blackness behind the prison door.  
  
Livé hits the wall with her fists. “No, no, no, no! We’re back where we started. It is just useless! The Suppressor doesn’t want us to leave, and now he’ll be even angrier when we meet him than he was before.”  
  
I look back out into the blackness that lay behind the gate. A wave of hopelessness hits me. What do I have to do to get out of here? A tear rolls down my cheek, I haven’t cried since I was a little girl. I have to toughen up, there is always a way. Perhaps Livé may have some ideas.  
  
She is sitting under the window again, staring at the light. I can’t get over it how cold she is and how black her eyes are. No light reflects from them, they are like tiny black holes.  
  
I sit on the stairs. She growls under her breath “Leave me alone!” She takes a deep breath. “The Suppressor’s punishment will be horrible”  
  
I fail to understand the concept of this ‘Suppressor’. “Why are you afraid of him. I haven’t seen anything.”  
  
“No you haven’t because you are blind! The Suppressor is here, in every single stone, in every bone, in every drop of blood, and yet you are too blind to see it!” She closes her eyes. “But I should have known… I mean, what can you expect from someone who slaughtered an entire village?” Livé hugs her knees, she looks sad. “I followed you because, for a brief moment, you made me want to believe… and now you have dragged me into the abyss along with you.”  
  
This woman is weird, familiar but unknown, surreal and real at the same time. “I don’t understand. What are you- a part of me? An illusion?”  
  
She laughs, the sound is not joyful, it rumbles deep within her, it’s dark and cold. “Of course I’m a part of you, and you are a part of me, isn’t that obvious?!” She appears next to me, also siting on the stairs. “I should have known you wouldn’t understand.” Her voice goes deep, deeper even than any man’s I’ve heard but it still has a piece of femininity and demonicness. “You are weak, you have always been a weakling.”  
  
She is a part of me? What part? The thing that revels in other’s misery the thing that loves violence? Yes! She must be. If I get rid of her… it here then perhaps I’ll be free even out of here.  
  
The dagger, it’s back in my hand. I know what I must do. I stand up and get behind her.She is just staring into the blackness behind the cell door. Now is the perfect time to do the deed. I sink the blade in her neck and twist it until I hear a pop, it was her spine. No one can survive that, not even pure evil. I let go of the dagger and fall on my knees. What did I just do?! I look at myself there are tiny droplets of blood spatter on me.  
  
I look at her, she is still sitting there, now with a new accessory. I just murdered someone in cold blood. This has been more than I ever expected from the trial, is it still the trial?.  
  
A deep rumbling laughter fills the room. Livé’s head does a crackling 180° turn and speaks: “Well, well… so you figured it out. Yes, I am what keeps you in this place. But was it blind rage that made you act? Or have you truly understood who I am? Have you understood what drives you and determines your actions?” She pulls the dagger out and the rest of her body turns to face me too. “The fear eats your mind and the steel in your hart has cooled… but you haven’t found it child. Have you?”  
  
I gasp and sit up in a bed. In a bed? I look around me, I know this place, I know this room. I’m in the Sun Temple. I escaped. Relief washes over me.  
  
The others are in the same room as I, they are still asleep. It is good. I need some time to think about what happened, what I did…  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A hint: Take a look at the name Livé. Is there something strange about it? If you figured it out then do share.


	3. Through the Eyes of an Angel: Witch Child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trial is over but what happened in it was troubling, does she really have to work harder to keep that part of herself hidden?
> 
> She was the first one to awake and now all left to do is see if she'll be the only one, hopefully not.

  
I’ve been sitting here, thinking. This test it brought out the worst in me, what if I’ll never be able to become better a better person to overcome this evil inside me, what if I can’t keep myself under control, what if something like that happens in front of someone, it could destroy me! You have to be better Calia, you have to try harder.  
  
The fire in the fireplace is calming, makes the silence in the room less weird.  
  
A door opens and the temple Apothecarious comes in. He smiles when he sees me.  
  
“Awake already, you truly must be a strong one.” Me, strong? No, not strong enough.  
  
He comes to me “How are you feeling?”  
  
There is no way I’m going to let him or anyone else now what happened in there. I need a good excuse or an explanation “I’m just tired, mentally.”  
  
“That is absolutely normal. This test is brutal, once a fella was so sick afterwards he couldn’t go anywhere for a weeks without he’s trusty ole bucket. To be honest he was still lucky, sadly not everyone wakes up.”  
  
That sounds bad.  
  
“Of course I can’t tell you who he is, it would be rather embarrassing.” He starts asking me questions “Now do you feel nauseous, feverish? Do your ears keep ringing? Do you have trouble keeping your balance?”  
  
“No, nothing like that, I’m just tired.”  
  
“Aright Mydame Sakaresh. But in any case I’m going to ask you to stand up, close your eyes and try to walk in a straight line.”  
  
Did I hear him correctly? “Are you serious Mysir?”  
  
“Absolutely. It will show me if you are disoriented and if you are dizzy.”  
  
Better get this thing over with.  
  
The Apothecarious gives me a whole lot of different ‘tests’ to do. Close your eyes and touch your nose. Read the alphabet from the end to the beginning. Close your eyes and try to bring the tips of your index fingers together. Who was my father? Pat your head with your left hand and make circles on your stomach with the right hand, then switch. I’m honestly thinking that he is making fun of me right now.  
As the last thing, he checks if I have a fever. “Mydame Sakaresh you seem to be in full health. Let me know if your situation changes. Now I have to check up on the others.” I’m glad that it is over. I wonder if he’ll run these ‘tests’ on the others who wake up.  
  
“As you say. Oh and Mysir could you let me know how they’re doing when you’re done with the checkup?”  
  
“It would be no trouble.”  
  
I go back to the chair near the fireplace. The flames dance with such grace. I can almost see them depict objects and people from real life. The flames seem to be fiercer now they remind me the prodigy, her hair looked like that wild and fierce.  
  
To think of it I’ve always liked fire, mostly the raw power and unpredictability of it. When I was little it was a great fascination of mine, I loved to play with it, see it react to things I did to it. When my father found out he put a stop to it, from then on I had a lot more studying to do, not much free time to myself. But there has always been this feeling is it me or this other thing inside me that likes it? I guess I’ll never know.  
  
The Apothecarious is finished with the checkups and comes to me. “Sakaresh my initial opinion on their situations is not of the most hopeful sort”  
  
“What is it?”  
  
“Dunwar isn’t doing so well. It seems like he is giving up in the so called ‘fight’, I’m sorry. On the other hand I would peg the prodigy’s chances to be better than Dunwar’s, but it seems to me she is in this let’s call it ‘grey area’ where it can go either way. There is no sure way of knowing how this will go, ever. I may be wrong, I do hope so myself.”  
  
Harsh word and sad news, is this what life is all about? “Thank you for telling me all this.”  
  
He walks to the door and looks back at me “I really am sorry Mydame Sakaresh. I will come back in a few hours to check up on them again.”  
  
This is unfair, Dunwar may have put on this show of being all high and mighty that many didn’t like but he does not deserve to stay like that. He has to fight, there is still time. It does not matter if he said inconsiderate things to me and others before all this, he was just scared, and scared people say things they don’t mean. I hope that I won’t be the only one to make it. Enough of these gloomy thoughts Calia there is no way of knowing how this will go, hope for the best.  
  
All I can do now is wait.  
  
…  
  
It has been about 2 hours. The Grandmaster has even come here to check up on us with the temple’s Apothecarious of course.  
  
Both of them get examined once more and the Apothecarious is looking worried “With each passing hour their chances of waking up go down. I believe that Dunwar won’t come back to us.”  
  
Grandmaster frowns “But what about the Prophetess?” The Prophetess? Is he talking about the prodigy?  
  
The Apothecarious pours water into the cup near her bed “To be honest her chances are not much better than Dunwar’s.”  
  
Arenthial looks a little angry “No, she will make it. I’m certain of it.” He was talking about her, why the new and strange title?  
  
The other man goes to Donwar’s bed and pours him some water too. “I truly hope that you are right Arenthial. I’ll come back in a few hours, hopefully at least one of them will make it.”  
  
He leaves without the Grandmaster.  
  
The man sits on the other chair across the table from me. I try to burry my nose deeper into my book to avoid attention.  
  
“Congratulations on passing the trial Sakaresh.”  
  
I straighten my back and look up from the book “Thank you Grandmaster.”  
  
He looks tired and worried, there are dark circles under his eyes. “I actually wanted to talk to you. Now that you’ll become a Keeper of the First Sigil there is a lot I’m going to have to let you in on.”  
  
He tells me of the red madness, Emissaries, Pyreans going extinct, strange dreams, wars, the world is in chaos and something called the cycle. If he would be anyone else then I’d say they were joking but Grandmaster Arenthial doesn’t joke. It is hard to believe but on some level it makes sense. We talk about an hour. Is this truly the reliability, the knowledge that comes with being a Keeper? I never thought that there is so much being kept from the people.  
  
He glances over to Susan and tells me “Would you tell the Prophetess to come and meet me when she awakes?”  
  
He still has hope for her? “You really think that she’ll make it?”  
  
He hits the table with his fist “I’m certain of it” and takes his leave.  
  
I walk up to the window. Well this was a lot. I never thought that the world would be in such danger. It will take some time for all of it to sink in, for me to truly believe. Just a short while ago I was told that the Light- Born are dead and now the world is at the brink of extinction. It is just…  
  
The prodigy, no she didn’t like to be called that, Susan looks restless as if she is having a nightmare. She hasn’t looked this lively for the time I’ve been awake. I hope that Arenthial is right about her being strong enough to come out of this.  
  
I look out the window, the glass is thick and it is hard to make out what is outside, it emits some coldness into the otherwise very warm room and it is refreshing.  
  
A sudden gasp to my right. When I look there she is sitting up on the bed, breathing heavily, covered in sweat. First thought that crosses my mind is: I am not the only one, praise the gods.  
  
She looks around the room, her glance stops on the cup filled with water, she drinks it in one go. I wonder what the trial was like for her. I’m sure she won’t want to talk about it, neither do I. Some things a better left to be forgotten.  
  
Her voice is weak “Is that you Calia?”  
  
I can’t help but to smile “It is me. Thank Malphas… I was starting to think that I was the only one. How… are you? You look exhausted.” She does, even she has the infamous dark circles under her eyes. How can one person be asleep for so long and still be tired?  
  
She looks down and takes a few deep breaths “Yeah, I…I had a bad dream. A nightmare.”  
  
A dream? She isn’t referring to the trial then, it must be something else. “You did? That’s probably one of the aftereffects of the potion…but it will pass. I’m sure of it.” Not very reassuring, but it was something. “But it is good to see the Grandmaster was right after all. I woke up a few hours earlier, and believe it or not he came by in the meantime… he didn’t doubt for a single second that you would make it.” Unlike me. Take this as a lesson on not to give up hope, I feel a little silly for that right now.  
  
“Ughh… the Grandmaster” She didn’t sound very enthusiastic, I wonder what all that was about.  
  
I try to change the subject “But hey, I suppose mutual congratulations are in order… we made it. We passed the trial.”  
  
She looks a little happier right now. Susan even manages a little smile “So does that make us Keepers now?”  
  
We are so close to becoming someone. “Almost, yes. Exiting isn’t it. All that is left to do is to take the oath, and then Grandmaster Arenthial will exalt us to the Keepers of the First Sigil. Speaking of who, he also told me some things when you were asleep…about the Pyreans, about the dreams and, of course, about this … cycle.” I lean on the wall, I need something sturdy to keep me up right now, all of it is still fresh and hard to comprehend. “This is so bizarre really… at first we’re told out of nowhere that the Gods ‘have died’ and that humanity is on the brink of extinction…” I sigh “…This is a lot to take in.”  
  
Susan gets up from the bed and looks out the window just like I did before. She is a mess, poor thing.  
  
She is serious “I know how you feel. All of it is just so surreal that it has to be someone’s imagination overreacting or absolutely the truth and even now I am not sure it is the latter.”  
  
I feel almost the same way “Exactly. But how to find out what is true or not?”  
  
She traces her finger along the window’s embellishments “I guess that we can’t. We just have to blindly trust this insane theory.” She sighs and pulls away her hand “From one group of fanatics to another…no offence.”  
  
“None taken.” This must have been harder for her, escaping Nehrim to find peace in another land and now to be dragged into something bigger that the civil war over there.  
  
She looks up at me and asks “What do you make of all this? The cycle, this ‘Cleansing’?”  
  
“Other than that it is hard to believe it is hard to say. I never had those dreams the Grandmaster talked about, even though I’m magically gifted. But then again, I always had the feeling that the Red Madness is more than an ordinary disease…It had to be. Well, I suppose all this explains a lot. At least now I can understand why the Grandmaster was willing to break all the traditions of the Order just to get you exalted to be a Keeper. According to him, most of the battle against the cycle will stand or fall with you.”  
  
She laughs a little, I can’t tell if it is a sarcastic laugh. “I wish I could say that with the same conviction as him. To be honest I don’t think I’ve understood all of what’s happened to me yet.”  
  
I know the feeling of not knowing what is going on with oneself all too well. “Yes… I believe that. It’s a great responsibility you’ve been given, and as impressive as your skills are, I would not want to change places with you.”  
  
Ok now she is being sarcastic. “Oh how comforting you are, Mydame Calia. If I wasn’t feeling the heat before then I certainly am now.”  
  
She is a funny one isn’t she. I curtsy “I’m always glad to help.”  
  
“Well aren’t I the lucky one then.”  
  
We share a moment of laughter, it feels a little empty but during these times I’ll take it.  
  
“Ok, ok but back to the serious gloomy talk. What’s the next step?”  
  
“Well, as I said, we both have to take the Holy Oath. Oh and before I forget, you should talk to the Grandmaster as soon as you are ready: he is waiting for you in the Emporium.”  
  
She looks confused “What do you mean by ‘we both’, what about Dunwar?”  
  
Why did I have a feeling that she would be bringing tat up? “…Right, Dunwar. The Apothecarii examined him about an hour ago, and it doesn’t look good. It is likely that he’ll never wake up again.”  
  
Her dark brown and almond-shaped eyes open wide in shock .“Really… I don’t believe he deserved that, not in a manner like this.” She is compassionate, I didn’t expect that from her, not after the way Dunwar treated her.  
  
“I agree. You know, Dunwar was one of those people who tried to gild their insecurity with boastful behavior. The reality is, that he was the last of his bloodline, and his faith in the Path and his ‘destiny’ as a Keeper was all he had left. And who knows… maybe he would have been a great help to the Order, with the right Guidance. But I guess, Master Bartarr’s revelation was just too much for him. It’s hard to be told that everything you’ve lived for was a lie.” It still stings a litte.  
  
“He was the last of his bloodline?”  
  
“Yes… All of the DalMordans fell victim to the great fleshmaggot plague in 8215. Actually it was almost hard to see him running around and boasting about his nobility, though everyone knew that without the help of the Order he would have probably ended up living in a shack in the Undercity… If you can call that ‘living’.”  
  
She crosses her arms “Isn’t that a bit harsh, we speak of him as if he is dead already, he may wake up.”  
  
“It is sweet that you have hope but this is the ugly reality of this test.” I remind myself: have hope. “But you may be right, hey may wake up like you did.”  
  
“Only time will tell.” Silence, Susan tucks a strand of her loose wild red hair behind her ear. “But tell me… You don’t seem to be too shaken up over all of this. The death of the Light-Born, I mean.”  
  
Yeah the Light-Born. “Well, maybe I just don’t show it as much. But yes, in a way you’re probably right… I suppose that’s mainly due to the fact that to me, as supposed to Dunwar, the Order always stood for an idea. And an idea doesn’t die with the one of the first who thought of it. Funny that the Grandmaster said nearly the same thing during the exaltation. Dunwar would have considered it blasphemy. ”  
  
She looks a bit agitated “You talk about the Light Born and their ‘ideas’ as if they wouldn’t have cost thousands of lives. They weren’t as benevolent as you make them out to be.”  
  
Religion and gods are very delicate subjects that many have different opinions on, opinions that they protect at very high costs. I should tread carefully. “That’s true, a lot of crimes were committed during their reign, and I don’t want to minimize that. But I also think a lot of those crimes were… unavoidable, so to speak. Imagine you’re the king of a small island, and one day your realm is attacked by the fleet of Skaragg reavers. The invasion catches you completely off-guard, and within a few hours, the reavers have advanced to the farmland, just a few feet from your main city’s gates. And before you know it you have to make a decision: Will you use the time that remains to entrench your army within the city’s walls to have a better chance of surviving a siege? Or do you send them into the field to fight the reavers there, knowing that there is only a small chance to save he farmers, but high risk that you will lose both, the city and the farmers?” My father used to use this analogy explaining the very same subject to me.  
  
She takes a brief moment to think “Nothing is for certain, ever. If I’d choose to sacrifice the farmers then I might lose the city. Still I’d take my chances in the open field. The big noses often sacrifice the little people without giving it much thought like they don’t matter. And what would a realm be without it’s farmers? They are essential. Even though the odds may be against me I’d stand on the battlefield with my soldiers defending them.”  
  
“But what if your foray fails and ends up being the reason why the Skaragg can break through the city’s fortifications? Wouldn’t that make you responsible for all the townsfolk they would kill once they got in? Their blood would be on your hands. What I’m trying to say is, it doesn’t matter what you do, there will be people who will despise you for your decision. If you attempt to save the farmers fails, you will be accused of acted blindly and idealistically. And if you just stay in the city, they will say that you didn’t even try. Of course there is a small chance that the foray might work, but should decisions really be made as if they were a game of dice?” Now pause to give my words effect and time to sink in. “As I said, I didn’t want to absolve the Light-Born of their crimes. But I’d wager that they had a lot of similar decisions to make.”  
  
She slightly nods “Interesting thought…I sometimes tend to overlook what being high up in the nobles chain can actually mean.” I believe that I affected her, it feels good. “But there was something else I wanted to ask you.”  
  
“Oh, go ahead.”  
  
She looks out the window for a moment and then back to me, is she feeling uncertain or afraid of asking the question? “It has stayed with me since the ritual place. You were called a ‘witch’, what is that all about?”  
  
Was it too much to hope for that Susan would be one of the people who is unaffected by that. I guess so. I take a deep breath “Hm… I knew that question would come eventually. I suppose the answer depends on whether you’re in the mood for some more gloomy talk. Sooner or later you’ll hear it from someone else anyway, so why not from me first?”  
  
“Gloomy talk right now, when everything we’ve talked about has been just peachy?” She slightly nudges me and smiles “Hey I wouldn’t have asked if I weren’t interested.” Susan makes a motion of shooting with a bow “Shoot.” How does she manage to do that be silly and thoughtful at the same time?  
  
This is a lot to talk about, a lot for her to know of me. “I … phhh. Where should I start? Maybe with the fact that I don’t remember anything that happened before my sixth winter. I don’t know where I was born and I never got to know my parents.” That’s a good start.  
  
“I’m sorry. But how come you don’t remember something like that?”  
  
“No need to pity me, but how come? - I wish I knew. What I do know though is that the first memory I have is waking up in the middle of some village. It was dark and I felt dizzy and… I don’t know ‘empty’? That’s probably the best way to describe it. I eventually found the strength to get up and look around… and well, that’s when I realized what was actually going around me.”  
  
“What happened?”  
  
It is all coming back to me. Houses that were crushed and were all ablaze. The orange glow of fire everywhere blending in with the black of the sky, There was heat coming from the fire but I was still cold, smoke all around me making me cough, the dead bodies…those poor people the woman who appeared to me in the test... I didn’t understand what was going on… “The entire village… it had been destroyed. There were corpses everywhere, men women, children and the houses had been crushed as if someone mad had rampaged through the streets there… and it had all just happened hours before, because the destruction was still fresh. Whatever it was, I didn’t have much time to think about it. As soon as I got up, I saw the riders coming through the smoke. One of them got off his horse, ran towards one of the corpses and started screaming something in my direction. Then I felt a blow on the back of my neck and I lost my consciousness.” Now I realize it, the woman in the test was the one the hunter hugged.“By the name of the Sun it is… strange to talk about it like this. It’s been so long, but the memory feels as if it had happened yesterday.”  
  
She is frowning “Why did those men attack you?”  
  
For a second I could feel the pain on the back of my head again even though it happened so long ago. “Well, it turned out that the riders were hunters who had come from that village. They must have observed the… whatever it was from the distance, and ridden back to the village. At least I think that’s how it was. I guess I’ll never find out. The reason they thought I was somehow involved in this is that the village priest found me a couple of days before it happened near a shrine in the wilderness. Apparently I was wearing torn clothing, and no matter what the Apothecarious tried, he couldn’t wake me of from my comatose sleep. And it seems that made the villagers think I was some kind of witch-child… or unholy beast, whichever you prefer.”  
  
There is a slight look of horror and disbelief on her face “They really thought a six-year old child destroyed the entire village? That is absolutely ridiculous.”  
  
Is it ridiculous? “For you, maybe. For them as… simple people, it was probably the best explanation they had. A motherless child who neither talks or breathes steadily is found abandoned on the roadside and has a strange mark on her face. They leave to go hunting, and when they come back, they find their village in ruins, with that founding child being the only survivor. You have to admit, it’s not that much of a stretch… Even if those men hadn’t been superstitious farmers.” It feels biter to speak of how they thought I could be a monster. I hope she won’t be like the others who whisper behind my back and call me names. She has to be…  
  
She seems to be tenser now “I see… And these men wanted to do what exactly? Take revenge?”  
  
“Probably. Truth be told, I try not to think about it too much… and actually it doesn’t matter, because I somehow managed to get away before they could do anything.” A flashback : a campfire, the hunters speaking in the distance, I’m alone right now, this is my chance - I have to run. There would be no way I could make it on the roads, they’ll see and catch me again. The forest is my only way out… “I even made it to Ark, all by myself… which didn’t turn out to be much of an improvement in the end, because I was Pathless.”  
  
Her voice is quiet “So they brought you to the Undercity?”  
  
“Yes. Thinking about it now, I actually wonder how I made it through my time down there. But maybe that’s one of the advantages of being a child: you don’t think, you just act. Still, the winters down there were cruel, and if Master Tyras hadn’t found and taken care of me, I’d probably wouldn’t have made it through my second year.”  
  
Her eyebrows shoot up “Wait ‘Master’ Tyras? That means a Keeper adopted you?”  
  
“Yes, otherwise I wouldn’t be here.”  
  
I go to my bead and take a seat. I owe so much to my father; I still wish that he’d be here to see me become a Keeper like him. “Of course, the Order wasn’t happy about a pathless child in the Scuola, just as some aren’t happy about you being here. But Tyras was a highly regarded man, and that’s why they let it slide.”  
  
“So wait people aren’t happy about us being here, I thought they were ecstatic. What a disappointment.”  
  
Is she trying to cheer me up? It is working, I giggle.  
  
She rants “But why IS the Order so preoccupied about Pathless trying to get into their ranks? It’s not like we both don’t have our reasons.”  
  
“That’s right, we do, but we are both still Pathless, and that disqualifies us according to the Holy Verses. I guess now you understand why I was never as ‘connected’ to Malphas’s Teachings as Dunwar was. To some of the Keepers I am still an outcast, and no matter what I do, I always will be as will you.”  
  
She is being sarcastic again, it suits her. “Isn’t that grand but back to the main topic. So he just saw you and decided to adopt you? That sounds… too good to be true in this harsh little world.”  
  
When I was small I didn’t realize how lucky I actually was, the true understanding of it came later. It’s still a miracle that we met at that moment in time, the Undercity is huge and the odds of him coming across me were very low. “It does, yes… but then, he had lost both his wife and daughter five years before he found me. So maybe I was some kind of substitute, I don’t know… But in the end it doesn’t matter. I owe him everything. He was… a good man, and that’s all that matters.”  
  
“Then Master Tyras was the one who granted you the Noviciate.”  
  
“Yes… and now I’m here.” I really should go to his grave after becoming a Keeper, he would be so proud. “Well… We’ve reached the end of my rather impressive tale. I hope you liked it.”  
  
She is curious “What happened to Master Tyras? Where is he now?”  
  
“Gone… he was very old, and there was nothing anyone could do about it… But I’d prefer not to talk about it, if you don’t mind.” I’ve made up my mind, I WILL go to his grave after the ceremony.  
  
“I understand. But I now have the urge to coddle you, a lot.”  
  
And I was expecting her to hate me after all this but she has gone entirely to the other extreme, not that I mind the thought. “That is sweet, but please don’t, I’ve made it this far without any special treatment.”  
  
“Alright, alright. I’ll keep the coddling to a minimum. But I do have to say that you are not the fisherman’s daughter from the village, I’ll give you that.”  
  
“No… I guess I’m not.”  
  
“So all of this means that Dunwar actually believes that this story, about you being responsible for the destruction of an entire village, is actually true?”  
  
“He does, yes, and he’s not the only one. One of those hunters recognized me in the market in my first year as a Novice, and you can imagine that it was easy pickings for those who were already against my presence in the Order. From then on, they added names to the derogatory stares… Demon-child, witch, whatever they could come up with. ” I’ve come a long way from being hurt by their mocking to just shrugging them off, though sometimes it still hurts.  
  
She has a charming smile on her face “Well you are talented, intelligent and pretty. Even one of toes traits makes people envious but you’ve got the whole package and that means - many reasons for the others to envy you.”  
  
Did I hear her correctly? I did, didn’t I. Oh no Am I blushing? “Yes… maybe?” I am blushing. Talk so she wouldn’t notice. “You know what’s funny? To some extent, I’m glad to be who I am. That way people just leave me alone… and that gives me more time to focus on what’s important. My goals.”  
  
“Which would be?”  
“Seveal. But I’d say that’s enough of the gloomy stories, don’t you think? There will be plenty of time for chatter in the future… maybe.”  
“I’ll be taking you up on that. Now I should go see the Grandmaster, he has been waiting for me a while now but then again he does have a lot of practice in waiting…”  
“You should do that, without letting him wait for a lot longer. It’s already late, but if you’d want, I can show you the most important places in the temple before you go off to the Emporium. What do you think?”  
  
“Sure, I’d love that.”  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually I liked doing the "Through the Eyes of an Angel" chapters maybe I'll do something like that later on.

**Author's Note:**

> If this way of being in the story and in the situations through Calia is strange or bad then please do tell.
> 
> Other than that feel free to share what's on your mind :)


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